When The Stars Align…
Sometimes you have no control over timing and things happen…when the stars align. My parents have been working on bringing my grandfather from the mountains of his burial site in Korea to be by my grandmother’s side for the last 5 years. He passed just after I turned 2 and she passed when I was 24. I have no memories of him, but always felt him in our lives growing up. Every year during the holidays, like the harvest festival (Chusok), we observed traditional ancestral rites. The one image of him that we have, in fact a drawing, sat on my grandmother’s dresser her entire life, and it was our duty to bring that picture down during the ceremonial offering. We helped to prepare his favorite foods and set the table, gathered to talk about him, and took turns offering wine and rice - moving chopsticks and spoons around the table to mimic eating. We burned incense and bowed in the early days, but stopped when our grandmother decided it wasn’t very Christian. We sang a hymn and the doors were opened for his spirit to come in, while we gave him privacy to dine. The entire ceremony is quiet, respectful and solemn. Once it is over, the merrymaking begins and the family eats and rejoices in the nurturing of family pride. Our history and the importance of our grandfather was always present. What a beautiful way to remember and honor the ones before you, don’t you think?
My parents had his remains cremated and flown to California and the night before, his ashes were blessed and respects were made. Today, he was laid to rest beside the strongest woman I know. Bringing together family, the symbolic relevance of it all is precious to me. I was sadly disappointed I could not be there. My mom says that these things are predetermined and they had no choice in the date…something about the moon. That’s when you are reminded that you are just a little speck in this universe, unable to dictate it all.
* During these ceremonies, I was always reminded how I carry my grandfather’s strongest traits (i.e. prominent nose). It was an easy conversation starter and when I look at these photos, I’m more struck by the images of my grandfather, father and brother - both who are the only sons in their families.
* My mom also told me that when my grandfather’s remains were revealed, our family in Korea said rather than the usual black color, his bones were actually GOLDEN. He was that strong. You can add this to the ‘hokey stuff your mom says’ list, or you can think that’s totally awesome and smile. I choose the latter!
